Roommate Confessions: Issue 122

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Last year my roommate made the mistake of telling me and my now ex boyfriend how much she hates pancakes. As soon as she left for work, we went to the store and bought like 10 boxes of pancake mix. We spent all afternoon making stacks and stacks of pancakes. We weighed them when we were finished and it was literally like 15 pounds of pancakes. Then we spent the next hour hiding them all over her room. Inside of her shoes, in her underwear drawer, under her pillows, etc. When she came home from work I could hear her screaming all the way from my neighbor’s apartment. She didn’t talk to me for two days. Totally worth it.

Julia Sheppard, Georgia State University

I used to bring home a leftover ribeye bone from work every few weeks to give to your dog as a special treat, until you bitched at me that they give him terrible gas (and he sleeps with you.) So naturally, I now bring one home once or twice a week and feed them to him when you’re not home, and you’re absolutely right – his doggy steak farts are absolutely atrocious. It’s not that you’re a bad roommate or anything, it’s just that the thought of you getting dutch oven’d by your dog all the time is way too hilarious to pass up.
Dr. Feltersnitch, UTC

I punched my roommate and broke arm, right next to his shoulder after losing a game of Super Smash Bros.
Alex Smith, MSU

My room mate is always bringing guys over and she’s kinda heavy and I’m well, not. After one night of being out with her and this guy friend she started being queen b*tch to me pointing out all my flaws, calling me names, and rubbing in how hot he was and that I’d “someday find a guy like him.” After drinking we were all in the living room where she passed out. I fucked her guy friend while she lay snoring next to us. The next morning she woke up being a bitch again, I had all I could do not to laugh.
Nicole A., UW

I’ve been drugging my roommate with sleeping pills to get him from keeping me up at night. It’s been 3 weeks and he can’t figure out why his peanut butter makes him sleepy.
Anonymous, Gordon College

There were two guys living on the floor below mine. The one guy was decent enough, but the other loved to rag on people. One day it became my turn to be his target. Now, this guy is not the sharpest tool in the shed. He slept in bunk beds, on top, just under my floor. One night, my roommate and I pried up a loose floorboard under our own bunkbeds and poured like two gallons of hot water through the floor. This was repeated every time the fool tried to hassle either of us. A week or so later, he moved out – technical services had ripped his room apart trying to find the leak!
Mike Bledsoe, The Citadel

You’re a great roommate, but that didn’t stop me from adding Nickelback, Creed, and Coldplay as seed artists for every one of your Pandora channels.
T. Adam Talarek, Michigan State

My Roommate for Junior year was the worst woman I have ever met. She was a senior and had to leave every roommate she’s ever had. She would stay up till 7 AM every day, talking to her only friend on the phone, and consequently missed her classes the next day. Once, she was sick and would spit up her mucus into a cup or a bin, and never emptied or washed it. She would often berate me for things I never did, and would call me ‘Chinese,’ instead of my name. So I poured coffee all over her Mac, stole a shoe from every pair, and cleaned the toilet after she didn’t flush with her own toothbrush. Oh, and I stole her remote so her lazy ass had to actually get up to channel surf. I still hope she dies.
Sadako I

Submit yours here!