Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!
I work tech support for a well-known satellite television provider. A woman called in last week and complained that there was a "green mootee" on her screen. Not knowing what the hell she was talking about, I asked her to repeat the problem. "Green mootee, green mootee!" she screamed. Thinking I would have to escalate this to a supervisor, I asked her to spell "mootee" so that I could type it into our computer system. "M-U-T-E" she said. I told her to press the mootee button on her remote.
I was a "waver" for a company, which entails standing on a corner waving to cars for four hours at a time. One night, I had a guy step out of their car to offer me money for sex.
I used to work as a cashier in a natural grocery store after classes while all my friends were getting high. This one old lady with a beard would always come to my checkout line. To avoid the "radiation" she would have me cover my scanner with brown paper bags and then I would have to manually key in each of the UPC code 12 digit numbers. This would take forever and she'd yell at me if her items got too close to the scanner and make the bag boy get a new one.
I used to work at the tacky ass frat boy hang out that rhymes with "Looters". It's a pretty redneck county, and we has this couple that used to come by on horses. Long story short, I had to clean up horse $h!t in front of a packed porch, on a Saturday night. It didn't go all bad, some rich, drunk patron felt bad, gave me a 50, and bought me a round.
I do home renovations on foreclosed homes. As you can imagine, all the people that are getting kicked out of their homes are pretty pissed off about it. So how do they stick it to the man? With sh*t. Usually we have to lay new tile in all the bathrooms but to do this the toilet has to be removed. The disgruntled previous tenants always clog their toilets with mass amounts of toilet paper then proceed to diarrhea (to put it mildly) everywhere on and around the toilet where it will marinate until i get there weeks later. I then have to unclog it and soak up the existing "water" out of the bowl with a sponge so the toilet may be removed. After its removal it is my job to thoroughly clean this caked on sh*t toilet. Did I mention my gloves have holes in them because my boss is too cheap to give me new ones?
I bartend in a well known Irish pub in Boston. One busy friday night a group of typical looking townie meatheads (in all their popped-collar glory) come up to me for last call. Their ringleader orders up a a round of Woo-Woo shots (vodka, peach schnapps, cranberry) for "him and hiz boyz!" I make the drinks, serve them up, and they proceed to down it. The ringleader first gives me a weird look, and then exclaims to everyone how this was "the weakest, fruitiest, piece of s**t" he's ever had, and how apparently I'm not used to pouring MANLY portions!. I then calmly and professionally explained to him that I usually tend to save the manly portions for the manly drinks
I have a work-study job in a library on campus. Because it's a publicly funded university, the library has to have public access computers, which attracts homeless people and other transient figures who like to look at porn. One night, a dirty old bum decides to rub one out while still at a computer, and I'm fortunate enough to see it happen. I call the campus police. After the officer questioned the guy, the cop told me he could do nothing because it was my word against his. I'm an honor student and on the Dean's List but my word can't stand against homeless guy accused of jacking off in a library.