Want a date with me on V-Day? (From the prissy girl down the hall)

Oh, crap.  It’s Valentine’s Day, and I just dumped the boyfriend.  You know what that means?  I’m taking applications for the guy that gets the privilege of taking me out on that special commercial holiday.  I know you don’t need any more incentive other than the pleasure of my company, but the chosen boy will have the additional bonuses of one dinner at a fancy restaurant of my choice (that you will pay for), one night of cuddling and heartfelt kisses, and one sexual activity of your choosing.  Interested parties may apply below.

Name: last_____________, first _____________, middle initial ____________

Weight: _____lbs  Height: ____’____”  Hair Color: ______  Eye Color: _____

Date of Birth: _____/______/_____

Are you a virgin?    No (circle one)    Date of lost virginity: ____/____/_____

Name of person that took virginity: _________________________________________

Average time to achieve orgasm: ______seconds     Average orgasms female achieves __

Penis size: _____inches (length)  _____inches (circumference)

How did you find out about this opportunity? ___________________________________________________

Are you currently employed?    Yes or No (circle one)

If yes, please state your place of employment, salary, and hours worked per week. _____________________________________________________________

If no, please discard this application now and get a job, you lazy son of a bitch.

Do you have any children?    YesorNo (circle one)

If yes, please discard this application and take better care of your kids, fucktard.

If no, please continue.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?    YesorNo (circle one)

If yes, and the crime was drug related, please state the drug and your supplier: ____________________________________________________________

If yes, and the crime was not drug related, please discard this application and stay as far away from me as possible, you creep.

If no, please continue to the next question.

What is your definition of “kinky”? ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Boxers, Breifs, or Other? (circle one)

On a scale of one to ten, how romantic are you? _____

Please include with this application one (1) picture of yourself without a shirt, at least one (1) gift that you feel is appropriate for Valentine’s Day, and an idea for the most romantic date you could possibly imagine.  Thank you.