The following is an actual letter of recomendation that I wrote and printed on College letterhead for a particularly pompous wind-energy student. He was forced to read it in class, and yes, it was sent out.
To whoever cares?
You might wanna know that Mr. Taylor Coleman is the single greatest human being to ever walk the face of this earth, period. Ofcourse, to even refer to “The Coleman” as human would be an affront to his infinite might, and I would humbly ask that you kindly refrain from informing him of the label I have used. (I fear his displeasure more than death itself)
As a student, to describe “The Coleman” as exemplary would be the foulest of egregious understatements. Routinely he manages to both instruct classes and perform studiously as a flawless learner (despite being all-knowing), all the while fending off advances from literally hundreds of beautiful women. No amount of security can bar their entry into the classroom, but “The Coleman” endlessly perseveres, as is the nature of entities so glorious as he.
I pity any fool who will not offer up sacrifices and vast sums of cash to “The Coleman” in return for the touch of his blessed presence at their wind project. Just the mention of his name at any given farm will triple regional wind speeds and quintuple turbine production, so eager are trillions of atmospheric particles to be graced by the eminence of He Who Is Without Fault.
I will gladly address any questions or concerns regarding “The Coleman” and this recommendation. Thank you very much for your time. May The Coleman Be With You.
Troy J Carpenter
Instructor – Wind Energy Technology and Community Science Education