Princess Peach Tries To Politely Tell Mario That Toad's Gay

Mario: You know a-what? We should introduce Toadette to Toad. They’d be a-perfect for each other. I mean, the names alone…

Peach: Uh, I…don’t think that would be a good idea.

Mario: A-why not? They could do all the things Toad-people do together…like stand around, give me information about how controls work, adopt the most dangerous highway ever…

Peach: It’s not that. It’s…well, I don’t think she’s Toad’s type.

Mario: A-what do you mean? I mean, I know Toad’s testicles clearly haven’t descended yet, but I don’t think that should –

Peach: No, it’s not that…how to put this…Toad’s put a lot of mileage in on Rainbow Road.

Mario: Well a-who hasn’t? That track goes on forever and a-ever. Also, there’s no oxygen there. I keep a-meaning to say we shouldn’t race there anymore, but –

Peach: The last time Toad and Kirby hung out, Kirby left in the shape of sperm. Toad sperm.

Mario: That’s…weird. He should a-probably see a doctor.

Peach: Ugh. Okay – Toad really likes mushroom shaped things.

Mario: We a-live in the Mushroom a-Kingdom! Everyone loves mushrooms!

Peach: Christ. Uhhhh…Toad prefers the company of Slippy.

Mario: Ohhhh! I a-get it now! …because they’re both Toads, right?

Peach: …Remember when you were looking for me and he kept telling you I was in another castle?

Mario: Yeah, that a-was so gay.

Peach: Close enough.