The Nesquik Bunny, or Nessie as we called him, was our double agent. With his nonsensical ability to change his fur color depending on the flavor of milk he drank, good ol’ Nessie was able to infiltrate the darkest bowels of the Light Rabbit Corporation. He was like most of us, just trying to fit in, just trying to make sense of it all. Though, it’s hard to understand madness when strawberries turn you pink. He would often talk about how our race should just blend together, like milk and chocolate powder, spinning and swirling until we became one delicious and semi-nutritious drink. A drink anyone could enjoy. A drink…of freedom.
We were all worried about him, though. Nessie was always in such close proximity with the Lights that he was constantly on guard. Suspicions came up every now and again. Besides, you could never really tell with that tricky Trix Rabbit. Legend has it he used to be a normal bunny by the name of L’Antoine Jackson, hopping along the path eating fruits and vegetables like all rabbits are wont to do. Then he tasted it. Satan must have bottled extra sin in that box, because before long, L’Antoine was gone. His eyes changed colors. His frame shrank and shaped to that of a spoon. The hunger never left him. The hunger never relented.
After Trixie lost his mind, Nessie was on edge. Trixie would stare at him for hours on end, always smiling that smile that he smiles. When asked about what he was looking at, Trixie would simply reply with a sly “silly rabbit,” and keep staring. Some say he knew; others say he didn’t even know his own name. Still others maintain that due to Nessie’s banana-esque frame, Trixie was simply letting the hunger fill his imagination with desire.
I can remember a day when everyone would just go out to the grasslands and roam, with little to no fear of landmines. It was always a tragedy when a youngling would step on one, but hey, such is the life of a rabbit. Besides, hey, free lucky rabbit’s foot afterwards! If only that damn Energizer Bunny had been ‘mined when he was lad. Running his smear campaigns against our leader, Frank the Rabbit. They disfigured his face into a horrible, twisted smile. Promising that his “purification” would keep going and going and going until the “chosen” were called towards the “Great Rabbit Hole in the Sky,” the Energizer Bunny had his adorable feet locked into our populace’s minds.
Sure, we had our victories. The always-late White Rabbit was killed almost immediately, never really sure when he was supposed to leave the front. His oversized clock became one of our few trophies, even if it was always wrong. Things quickly turned south after that. Trixie slaughtered his opposite, the March Hare. In an epic battle of spoon versus ladle, who would’ve thought a hand grenade would determine the outcome? None of us. None of us realized that that would happen.
And now we wait. We wait for our savior. A rabbit so powerful, he can withstand the thorns and spikes of the briar patch with nary a scratch. The rabbit that beat the tortoise by riding on its shell, then threw it back to the start like some sort of bizarre shot-put game from hell. The rabbit that will bring our colony back together.
Until then, our final resistance burrows ever deeper. May the adorable bunny God that we pray to grant mercy on our large ears and fluffy, blood-soaked tails. We’re gonna need all the help we can get.