What You Say You’re Doing This Summer

What It Means

Hanging out at home.

Realizing none of my remaining high school friends are around and resorting to hitting on 15-year-olds.

Dude, we are so taking a road trip this summer.

Dude, we are so going to talk about taking a road trip this summer until something good comes on TV.

I’ve got an internship in the city.

I haven’t figured out yet that you can’t buy food with experience points.

Summering with my family in The Hamptons.

Determining the fate of the world’s finances with other families wealthy enough to use “summer” as a verb.

Working with a landscaping company.

Trying very hard to suppress my racism.

Working as a camp counselor.

Learning why I never want to have kids.

Working for my dad.

Depriving someone much more qualified than me of a job.

I don’t have a job yet, but it shouldn’t be too hard to find one.

I haven’t watched the news in about two years.

Following Phish across the country on their summer tour.

I really like marijuana.

Taking some time to find myself.

I really, really like marijuana.

Mostly doing community service.

Turns out hitting on 15-year-olds is riskier than I thought.