My Planner Calls Me Out

Pat enters his apartment and falls onto his couch after a long day of class.  He empties out his backpack, throws his planner onto the ground, and opens up his laptop to watch a video of a jaguar fighting an anaconda.

Planner:  Hey!  What are you doing?

Pat:  Chill out man, this will only take a second.

Planner:  Normally I’d say that it’s no big deal, but you were supposed to have, and I quote, “epic homework time” starting promptly upon your arrival.

Pat:  Don’t worry, I have all night to get it done.

Planner:  That’s true, but you seem to be forgetting that you have to wake up early to go to the gym for a, I quote again, “timeless workout” before your 9 AM class.

Pat:  Whatever, I’ll just do that in the afternoon instead.

Planner:  Yeah, no, it’s cool… except for the whole, still quoting, “unprecedented hack sesh” you have scheduled for when your roommate has class. I’m guessing you won’t be in the mood for Romanian Deadlifts after that.

Pat closes his computer right before the jaguar is about to rip the anaconda to shreds.

Pat:  Look dude, get off my back, alright?

Planner jumps onto a table so that he is at eye level with Pat.

Planner:  Why even use me, huh?  What’s the point?  You write out your entire day and then you just put everything off!  You’ve written “finish Spanish journals” in me for two months straight!

Pat:  I don’t have to use you, I hope you know that.

Planner:  Ha!  Remember the last time you said that?

Pat:  So I forgot to buy my grandma a birthday present, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Planner:  Maybe not for you, but when she died of breast cancer the next day it certainly was the end of hers.

Pat:  What do you want me to do, map out my entire life?

Planner:  I don’t think you’re capable of that, considering you couldn’t even find the time to fill out the Census.  How many questions did that have again?

Pat:  I’m sorry, it’s just that whenever I write something in you I’m always too optimistic… I could never actually be that productive, you know that.  I guess I just need to be more flexible and realize that the most important things in life can’t always be planned in advance.

As Pat gets up to give Planner a hug a Moleskin notebook falls out of his back pocket onto the couch.

Pat:  Uh… so, yeah, time to start that homework.

Pat gathers up his other items and goes into his bedroom.

Planner:  What does he use you for?

Moleskin:  Oh, you know, jotting down clever ideas and observations that could be further expanded upon but never are.

Planner:  Cool.

Moleskin:  Yup.

There is an uncomfortably long silence.

Planner:  So… how do you like those Uni-balls?

Moleskin:  The ink takes a little long to dry, but other than that they’re a solid pen in my book.

Planner:  Good one.

Moleskin:  Thanks, I’ve had that one in me for a while now.