Brendan Fraser Meets With His Agent

Agent: Oh, hey Brendan, come on in! I have a lot of new scripts that were sent for you.

Brendan Fraser: Alright! Hit me.

Agent: Ok, this one is a winner. Directed by Steven Spielberg, you’ll be starring alongside Russell Crowe and Daniel Day Lewis in “Tango Down”. It’s about three soldiers and their emotional journey through the war in Iraq. It’s a surefire Oscar winner!

Brendan Fraser: Sounds great! Who plays the goofy CGI animal that drives the plot?

Agent: No, Brendan, here’s the thing- There is no goofy CGI animal-

Brendan: Oh, so I’m the goofy one? Who plays my animal companion with glasses and a British accent?

Agent: There are no animals in this movie!

Brendan: Huh? So what drives the plot?

Agent: Um, the character development and the war, mostly…

Brendan: CGI character development and a CGI war?

Agent: Um… no.

Brendan: Pass.

Agent: Goddammit! Brendan this script brought tears to my eyes. It made me reevaluate my life. It was beautiful. A masterpiece. Please just read it.

Brendan: Wait, what’s this over here? (Reaches for a different script) “Squid McArthur: An Inky Expedition”… You wasted my time with that shit when you had this masterpiece just sitting on your desk?

Agent: You haven’t even read the script!

Brendan: I don’t need to! This is gold! Who do I play?

Agent: You play a scuba diver with a harpoon called Harpoon Hal. Your catchphrase is “Let’s get jiggy with it.” That’s not even original. The only slightly amusing part was when a fish with a heavy Mexican accent starts rapping that song-

Brendan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Agent: God that’s not funny at all!

Brendan: Hahahahahaha whew! (Wipes tears from his face) That’s hilarious. When do I start?

Agent: I don’t know. Screw this, I quit.

Brendan: Fine! I didn’t want to hire you anyways. I’ve already got your replacement lined up. (He walks to a nearby closet and opens it. Inside is a massive gorilla)

New Agent: OOOO AAAA OOOO AAAA!

Brendan: Where are your glasses? Can you read these scripts without them?

New Agent: AAAAAA AAAAA AAAA!

Brendan: Hahahahaha! Classic gorilla!

(He leaves. The gorilla shits everywhere and escapes)

Later, at Brendan Fraser’s house…

(The phone rings)

Brendan: HAHAHAHA- huh? What’s that? Ugh, the phone always rings during my favorite scene in Monkeybone. Actually, what am I saying? I love every scene!