I Introduce a Time Traveler to the Internet

Time Traveler: Excuse me, I’m a time-traveler from the past; what’s the most important thing of your time?

Me: Well, the internet can connect everyone in the world virtually and for free.

Time Traveler: Dear God! This must change everything! Arts! Science!

Me: Absolutely! It’s incredible.

Time Traveler: It must be so useful to apply to the real world!

Me: The what?

Time Traveler: Well show me how it works! Let’s explore it!

(I turn it on)

Time Traveler: Russian models want to chat with you? Splendid!

Me: Uh, let’s just look through the most popular sites here, shall we?

Time Traveler: Wonderful! The future must hold such wonders that…is that a cat on a keyboard?

Me: Yes.

Time Traveler: Huh. Well that’s strange. But enough of that; on to the sciences! Huzzah!

(Clicks around for five minutes)

Time Traveler: Are these…just more cats?

Me: Yeah.

Time Traveler: Is the setting stuck on “cats”?

Me: Nope. This is the most popular thing on the entire internet.

Time Traveler: Is…the future’s currency based on cats?

Me: No.

Time Traveler: ARE WE RULED BY CATS!?

Me: No!

(pause)

Time Traveler: Okay. Okay. Well, that’s okay. It’s a strange new world, one with a significant cat fetish.

Me: Excuse me?

Time Traveler: I’m not here to judge. But is there anything here that aren’t funny cats?

Me: Oh absolutely. Anything you want is on the internet, as long as all you want is porn, cats and internet comments.

Time Traveler: Internet comments?

Me: Yeah, anyone in the world can talk to anyone else, anywhere in the world, you can give your opinions freely and share them with others.

Time Traveler: Wonderful! Debates and discussions! Can we read one?

Me: Sure thing.

Time Traveler: Oh, this author was “first”, that’s interesting, well, on to the…wait, are they just arguing over who is first?

Me: Uh…

Time Traveler: Huh…you would, uh, think they’d discuss other things. Or discuss any-thing, really. Seriously, anything. Oh look, a picture of a cat. Wonderful.

Me: Okay, calm down.

Time Traveler: Just so we’re clear on this; the internet can do anything, right?

Me: Yes.

Time Traveler: And you do this? What, were you guys just bored after you solved disease?

Me: …

Time Traveler: You haven’t cured all disease yet…but you made this. Perfect.

Me: Hey, we cured the lack of funny cats. Um, millions of times.

Time Traveler: This is insane! One things for sure, I’ll have some terrible things to say to the newspapers! You still have those, right?

Me: Well, those are kind of obsolete because of…

Time Traveler: Right. The box of funny cats. Instead of the news. Well, that’s just great, future man. Awesome.

Me: …

Time Traveler: Wow, you guys… Wow. Uh, great job using your infinite magic here. Cats. Awesome.

Me: Shut up man, we’re the future! We’re so much better than you it’s crazy.

Time Traveler: Fine. You might be right. Tell you what; what’s the newest, most impressive technology you have, that drives even you all crazy? Maybe, just maybe, that’s something worthwhile.

Me: The, uh…the Ipad is pretty cool.

Time Traveler: Ok, great; what does it do?

Me: It’s the…it’s the newest way to see funny cats.

Time Traveler: I’m out of here.