Issue #52

I work at a “high end” pet store. We sell dog clothes (I know), expensive food for dogs and cats, etc. A woman came in the other day and asked if we sold any food in a pink bag because her dog “only likes pink”…
-Elizabeth F.

In High School I worked at a leather store and one Saturday I was the greeter at the door. I really wasn’t paying attention when a woman who looked like a cross between Charles Manson and Hilary Clinton came through the door, threw a bucket of blood on me, screamed “Death to the cow thieves!” and ran out. I got to go home early because of possible mental trauma. Totally worth it.
-Ryan B.

A work at a phone sex line… one day my brother called.
-Courtney L.

I used to work in a small town selling ice cream from one of those refrigerated bicycles. As I was riding down a little alley, a man called me from his window. He asked if he could take a picture. (This wasn’t unusual; it was a new business, so people were always fascinated when they saw the bike for the first time.) I pulled the bike up closer, and he told me to get off. I backed away so he could take a picture of the bike, but he instead took a picture of me. He then told me to take off my shoes and come closer. I looked at him quizzically. He tapped on the windowsill and said, “Put your foot right here. Can I tickle it? Please?” I refused and told him I needed to leave because I was in the way of the car behind me. I hopped on the bike and started pedalling away with him screaming, “PLEASE? JUST ONCE! PLEASE?”
-Courtney S.

I work at a gas station and today I had someone ask which of our candy bars were the “freshest”. I thought it was a joke so I laughed and asked if he was serious. Turns out he was and I’ve never seen someone more offended.
-Tom L.

I used to work at a pet store. One day I was starving in front of the store by the cash register. I had no food, so long story short I lost all dignity and began gorging on dog biscuits. Well, the manager found out and made me explain to her about where the dog biscuits went. I explained to her with a completely straight face that I ate them all. Then she made me repeat the story in front of her to some guy from loss prevention. Then that guy made me write a letter to corporate about the same thing. Then I got fired. Now everyone wants to know why I’m not working for the pet store anymore. I hate everything.
-Shane C.

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