Those Dam Guards

(In the mountains, 2 guards are walking in a tunnel patrolling a water dam.)


Guard 1: Did you hear? They say that 007 guy is heading this way.

Guard 2: So?

Guard 1: SO! Maybe you haven’t heard but this guy is like impossible to kill.

Guard 2: I highly doubt that, besides there is a whole platoon of soldiers guarding this dam.

Guard 1: He already got past the guards at the front with just a pistol.

Guard 2: Really? Well we’ve got AK-47’s, he doesn’t stand a chance.

Guard 1: This guy has already been shot like 15 times and he’s still going.

Guard 2: He must be wearing that special blue body armor that we keep lying on the ground.

Guard 1: Nope, he’s just wearing a regular black tuxedo.
 
Guard 2: Crap. What should we do?

Guard 1: How about we hide behind these wooden boxes? Maybe he won’t see us.

Guard 2: Yeah, and if he gets too close, we’ll start firing at him.


(007 bursts into the room carrying a sniper rifle, taking out 2 guards.)


Guard 1: Did you see that, he just shot Mike without even aiming!

Guard 2: And he just karate chopped Gary like 2 times in the leg, and now Gary’s dead!


(007 turns around and shoots at the boxes.)


Guard 2: Ow Ow Ow, what the hell. Why did these boxes explode?

Guard 1: I don’t know man, they’re only made of wood.


(007 shoots Guard 2 in the leg.)


Guard 2: Oh god he shot me! Is it bad?

Guard 1: I can’t tell, it’s covered in neon paint. He must have used a special paintball shell.

Guard 2: What the hell is going on here!?!!


(007 leaves the room and leisurely walks off the edge of the dam.)


Guard 1: Holy crap, did you see that? That guy just did a swan dive off of the dam!

Guard 2: Oh my god, how is he still alive?

Guard 1: He must have used some sort of invisible bungee cord.

Guard 2: Dammit, mom was right. I would have been a lot safer being a scientist.