It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 7 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
So my college has an option where, for $50 a month, you can have your sheets washed once a week. The cleaners are usually university student workers on financial aid. My roommate is a spoiled brat. Every week, she would bitch to maintenance about our sheet girl, who she thought was there to be her slave. Well, one day, she left an incredibly nasty note to the sheet girl, making fun of her poverty and and calling her a dumb b*tch. I walked in while the girl was crying and I decided to do something. Now, because she had complained to the management so many times, I knew that she was allergic to Tide scented detergent. We switched out her Downey for Tide, and made sure to wash all her underwear and favorite clothes before returning them to her closet. It was awesome-she broke out in zits and welts and was puffy for two months and due to her own blinding stupidity, never suspected us nor the detergent.
During AIT in the Army, I had smuggled my laptop into the bay and would watch movies browse the internet etc to kill some free time. Towards the end of training, a jackass thief from a few bunks down, broke into my locker and stole my laptop. After a search of the bay, I found my laptop, 3 digital cameras and several credit cards from guys in the bay hidden in the ceiling tile of the bathroom. I knew who it was as he “tried” to help, yet always pointed me away from the actual location. Later that night I found he had left his locker open. I deleted every number in his phone, destroyed his SIM card, and shredded his address book. We were graduating the next day and he was going to his duty station. This guy was about half a step above retarded, so I knew he didn’t have any numbers or addresses memorized. Good luck getting in touch with your family you stereotypical, Alabama, piece of sh*t.
B.G. from Fort Lee, VA US Army
Through the magic of dorm assignments, my roommate turned out to be a guy. A guy named Stacey, but none the less a guy. He was a huge perv. I couldn't go ten minutes without being hit on, harassed, or getting slapped on the butt. After I woke up to his half naked body spread out on my rug, I had enough. He has night classes, so he comes back to our pitch black dorm almost every night, and tries to get in bed with me. Too bad that the one night I finally let him snuggle up next to me, it wasn't me in the bed, it was my gay friend, Mark. When he finally figured it out, (and according to Mark they got pretty far) I heard a yell, a giggle, and then silence. Stacey transferred schools a week or so later. He sent me a postcard the other day, and it turns out he's now attending an all male school. Huh.
Freshman year I lived in a suite with 3 roommates, but one was a total jackass. After a few incidents I won't go into, I determined that he didn't care at all about other people and he was the worst person I ever knew. I felt it was my responsibility to do what ever I could to keep him from ever procreating, he was fat and would snarf down pretty much anything put in front of him (including other peoples' food out of the pantry) so every day I would make coffee in the morning and offer it to him, then drink energy drinks in front of him so he would ask me for one, then I would order greasy food and would give him my fries, or extra slices of pizza or whatever I got, and I would try to get him to have an extra dinner with me almost every other day. He gained about 40 lbs in the last 3 months of school and it was awesomely disgusting to watch. I'm hoping that since he never exercises his obesity and addiction to caffeine should work together very soon in his life.
Jack G. from USC
One night, I was really bored in my room, so I thought I'd annoy some girls I knew who were hanging out in the kitchen next-door. The obvious thing to do was fill up a condom with mayo (so it looks used) and then harass/entice them with it. What I'd planned to do, was run outside, throw the condom at them through the open window without them seeing me (the kitchen was on the first floor), then run back to my room and have a good, old laugh at the ensuing chaos (“Oh no! There’s spunk all over my jeans and I don’t know whose it is [again]!). Unfortunately, when I got outside, a hall-rep caught me lurking around and also noticed me hiding something behind my back. Not wanting to be reported, I had to show it to her. Upon seeing what she thought was a generously-filled condom of cum, made sure I disposed of it, then proceeded to give me some super-embarrassing, guff-filled talk about what had just happened. I dropped out a few weeks later.
I read Roommate Confessions not because I enjoy reading about the horrible things roommates do to each other but because I am terrified that I will be on here as the roommate who had a horrible thing done to them and does not know it yet.
Bob B. from NAU