"105%: Issue One Hundred and Thirty Eight" by 105%-O-Matic

I love drinking games but I'm finding it so difficult to melt down all these MouseTrap pieces.

Blood, sweat, and tears is the recipe for success, just as long as you aren't a bartender.

-Lev Novak

I used to waste a lot of money on the lottery, until I realized I'd be better off saving that money, and using it to bribe my boss for a promotion.

My walk home from work is usually painstakingly boring, but yesterday I watched two hobos make love. This portable DVD player is worth every penny.

-Linus Paraprosdokian

I dunno, I'm pretty sure the Devil wears Ed Hardy.

-Conor McKeon

I don't travel a lot; but some of my friends do. Needless to say, I need to find a way to kick them off of my basketball team.

I'm not sure if it was "date rape." I mean, we never officially called it a date, but I think it was pretty clear we were going out.

I went on a date last Saturday with a girl who did impressions. She was pretty good, but I bet her she couldn't do me. Turns out I was right.

-Michael Yong

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