But don't worry. Very shortly, the fresh and clean feeling will dissipate. That's not just a metaphor you know you won't be getting around to doing laundry any time soon. With the days getting shorter and your meal plan disappearing in a haze of deep-fried pickles, wouldn't you feel better with a long weekend at home? A weekend with tons of food? Don't you wish Thanksgiving would come sooner?
Of course you do. And I'll give you some more reasons why.
October is so much more autumnal. Remember the arsty crap you made in kindergarten, with the pretty fall colours or whatever? Well, once November rolls around, it's more like winter. But not the snowy, dreamy part. The grey part. November is a month that hates looking good, and hates you for trying.
Christmas is an even better holiday when you have to wait a full two months instead of one. And if you're nervous that the joys of Christmas advertising will start right up, don't be. You're forgetting about Hallowe'en. Sugary candy and slutty nurses will save you from sugary (Christmas) candy and slutty Mrs. Clauses.
Speaking of Hallowe'en I think trick-or-treating would be vastly improved if the occasional house gave out leftover turkey sandwiches. It's all about breaking free of the candy paradigm. Think outside the box and tell me how Hallowe'en could possibly be made worse by adding gravy and cranberry sauce to it.
How about the dreaded Turkey Dump? If you have to go home and break it off with your high school sweetheart, wouldn't you rather get it out of the way? No sense in extending that anxiety another month. Plus, if you're one of the scummy types who's been cheating on them, you can start living guilt-free that much sooner! (Please note that if your high school sweetheart goes to the same school as you, dumping them when you're both back home doesn't make much sense.)
Sports fans have it made.
- Baseball: you can watch a playoff game while digesting your feast.
- Football: the season is still new and shiny, so if you're a Lions or Chiefs fan, the hopelessness hasn't set in yet.
- Hockey and basketball: same thing. If your team sucks, they haven't had time to dig their own graves yet. If they don't, you get to enjoy their dominance before the bandwagon fans start jumping on.
It is a known fact* that all the turkeys that are served up for Thanksgiving dinner are killed on the 1st of October. Turkey slaughter is October's version of All Saint's Day. October is weird like that. And the fresher the turkey, the better your nap on the couch will be, immediately following dinner. So if you aren't going to do it for any other reason, please think of the napping.
*This is in no way a fact.
Look. We all know about tradition. And reprinting all the calendars because a holiday has been moved would be a colossal waste of resources. But October just makes sense.
I do, however, have a confession to make. I am Canadian, and therefore have celebrated Thanksgiving in October since time immemorial. But I never said this article wasn't a propaganda piece. CA-NA-DA! CA-NA-DA!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have delicious turkey this weekend. Enjoy your waiting!