"105%: Issue One Hundred and Thirty Nine" by 105%-O-Matic

From the desk of Joe Kartikul

I used to feel bad about throwing food away, until I realized that I'm not wasting it, I'm making sure poor people can't have it.

-Kevin Corrigan (@KevinCorrigan)

Curiosity killed my cat, and my best friend. I really should've named my alligator something else.

-Brian Mates

I never knew what my dad meant when he said "You got to spend money to make money" until he got arrested for counterfeiting.

-Caldwell Tanner (@Caldy)

My grandfather mixed his advice with Alzheimer's at the end. Now I know that a penny saved is a lobster.

-Lev Novak

My girlfriend and I do it missionary all the time. I tell her how my beliefs are right, and she slams the door in my face.

-Mitchell Claxton

Living with OCD can be a pretty difficult disorder to endure. It certainly makes for a hard knock knock knock life.

-Jake Klocksien (@JKlock)

I'm really hoping Michael Douglas wins his battle with cancer. Who else am I going to confuse Martin Sheen with?

-Danny Mantler

I absolutely hate setting a bad example for kids. That’s why I feel so bad about not wearing a seat belt when I pleasure myself in the school parking lot.

-Linus Paraprosdokian

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105% / Issue One Hundred and Thirty Nine

From the desk of Joe Kartikul