What You Are Basically Telling Your Body

Every party you attend in college is like a one sided conversation with yourself. This is what you are basically telling your body every step of the way.

First Shot: Hey baby here’s a little poison gift. Come on, I’m just joking. Loosen up, man. It’s Saturday! Aw, don’t even worry, because after last night, I’m gonna take it easy. You probably wont even feel anything.


Second Shot: That first one was practice, seriously. Two shots will NOT hurt you at all. I bet you won’t even feel it. Promise. Hey. Hey! Look at me. I promise, okay? Kay good.


Third Shot: Sorry, that was my bad. They were chanting, things got a little outta hand. I was kinda forced into that. You’re not mad are you?


Fourth Shot: Oh, shut up. I went to the gym twice this week and I’ve been walking to school and back, if anything YOU owe ME one. So, please.

Fifth Shot: I’m not listening! Honestly, I’m not even listening to you.


Sixth Shot: SHUT UP! I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG SHUT UP!

Seventh Shot:I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!!! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!?!!!!!!! I’M HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN FOR YOU TO RUIN IT RIGHT NOW!!! THIS IS SO WORTH ITTITTTT!!! AHHAHHHHHAHHAHA!!!!

Eighth Shot/Starting to feel sick: Hah…Isthtat thehebeestyou got!? HA!


Hunched over toilet: What the fuck, man. What are you doing?? I was just kidding earlier, stop it… Come on, stop it. I’m serious.


Eating Bread, Drinking Water: Okay Okay. Here… Can we just forget this ever happened? You know I respect you so goddamn much. Truce?


Puking Water/Bread/Alcohol/Dinner: What do you want from me!?!? I said I was sorry! What have I done to deserve this!?


Passed out on the floor, (Near Toilet?): Let’s just relax… we’re all friends here.


Waking up Hungover: I am so. Fucking. Sorry. That was… Wow. I feel like shit. Seriously, I’ll never do that to you again. Let’s just get better, and then, I am done.  Seriously, one week straight — just smoothies. Promise. We’re buds. You know that.


Morning Beer: Sucker.