Roommate Confessions: Issue 149

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 8 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

My freshman year I had an apartment and one of my friends got kicked out of her parents’ house, so I let her stay with me. Things were alright at first, but I started noticing all of my nice toiletries – shampoo, conditioner, even my makeup – were getting low really fast and figured out she was using them without asking me. I talked to her about it and she still didn’t stop, so I eventually labeled every single one of my things with my name. After my passive-aggressive tactics didn’t work I filled an empty shampoo bottle with semi-permanent orange hair dye. She got the message after that.

Kate R.

This was something that my (now ex) boyfriend did. People kept stealing his eggs out of the dorm fridge, so he started writing numbers on them with a sharpie when he put them in and wrote a note that said, “One of these eggs has been sitting on my radiator for 3 days. Only I know which one. Eat at your own risk.” He didn’t have problems with people stealing his eggs after that.
M.D. from EC

I changed my buddy’s windows shut-down noise to a 5 second long fart that I recorded myself. As a bonus, I turned his system sounds all the way up. The first time he shut down his laptop, he was in his college’s library. I wish I could have seen the look on his face.
Ian M. from BYU

I don’t share a room yet, still being in high school, but I have to share a locker at school. I’ve never met this girl, but I hate her guts. She leaves rotten food, screwed up pieces of paper, and her stinky games kit in our locker for me to find. Consequently, our locker (and all the stuff I have to put in there) stinks. I found my way of revenge when she pinned up pictures of Edward Cullen all over the inside door of the locker. I then made Hufflepuff scarves and glued them on with “Hello, I’m Cedric Diggory, before I died and reincarnated as a fairy.” This started a war, of her putting up her Twilight posters, and me either vandalising them, or putting Lord of the Rings posters over them. After three months of this, I got bored and just painted “Twilight suck, BITCH” in elvish on the rim of the locker which she sees every time she opens it. She’ll never know what it says. But I do. And that’s enough for me.

E. Barry

My freshman year I had a roommate that never, ever complained about anything. Instead, he would respond in any passive-aggressive way imaginable. He would turn up the TV when my friends were over, he would toss and turn in his bed if I was on my computer past 10 pm. Or sometimes he would just shut the door in the middle of a conversation with my suitemates on the other side of the dorm. Well, one day I went and bought untearable toilet paper and replaced the real toilet paper the day after hot wing night. Guess who didn’t get the memo? We heard him cursing and shuffling around the bathroom for a good 30 minutes before we heard him turn on the the shower. Guess who never said anything?
Charles K. from Florida

Dude, sorry about you shitting your brains out; it’s probably from the mouse shit we have been putting in your favorite frying pan for the past week. This probably wouldn’t have happened but since you moved in September you haven’t cleaned anything and leave all your dishes, pots and pans dirty sitting out as a result we now have mice in the house. Maybe you’ll read this and realize that frying your burgers, chicken and whatever else god awful food you decide to make in the same pan without ever cleaning it isn’t a good idea. Then again, maybe you will keep doing it and ignore us telling you to try and clean the pots and pans when you are done cooking.
Anonymous

While coming back from my friend’s place at 3am, I see my roommate in the community laundry room on one of the computers. I walk in and find him masturbating to porn. I was shocked since there are cameras in there, but he was so high. Apparently someone passed him a joint and he thought it was a cigarette. We walked back to the dorm and he literally couldn’t remember what state we were in. The next day I told him what happened and he had no memory of it. He begged me not to tell anyone, but he should have said something before I put it up on facebook.
Bijan G. from Rocky Mountain College

During my sophomore year I had this roommate who would constantly steal my DVDs without asking, then return them to the case scratched up. So to catch her in the act I placed a video camera on my desk that she never knew was on and caught her and her friends taking several of my DVDS. But most importantly I caught her and her boyfriend hooking up all around the room while I was in class. I took that video and got one of my friends to help me make it into a DVD, which I placed in one of my DVD cases and waited. A few weeks later she had some friends over and they asked if they could watch a movie in the room, of course I agreed. Much to my joy she grabbed the planted DVD and her and her friends watched on your huge TV before she had to run to shut it off. I’m glad to say that my DVDs were never touched again, and she was red with embarrassment for a whole month.
Nichole M.

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