Ever get asked what your pet peeves are? Honestly, I can never give a single answer. So instead I made a modest list of all the things that make me want to literally shove a spork in my ear.
1. Foam Soap
I don’t know if it’s just me (which wouldn’t be at all unusual) but when I wash my hands there's a specific routine that goes a-little something like this.
1. wet hands
2. put soap on hands
3. get soap kind of wet
4. proceed with hand washing process singing my abc's and all.
Foam soap however completely ruins this completely sufficient process I’ve practiced for 20 years! Once you go to get the soap a little wet it all falls off your hands in an instant. AND IT’S INFURIATING! Screw you foam soap!
2. Automated Apppliances in Public Bathrooms
Dear automated appliance makers: STOP! I don’t know when the human race became so lazy that turning on a sink ourselves became some kind of national crisis but it’s really getting out of hand (PUN INTENDED). I don't remember a single time I hoped to go into a bathroom that thinks it’s so cool and high tech because miniature robots would wait on me hand and foot and yet 90% of the time not work the way they’re supposed to leaving your hands wet or unwashed altogether. Why can’t we just turn things on ourselves like the rest of the world? Oh yeah, because we’re Americans.
3. The outfit consisting of Ugg Boots and Shorts
I mean honestly. If it’s cold enough that you feel the need to look like you borrowed the feet of a Sasquatch it’s probably cold enough to wear something other than spankies ladies. Sometimes pain, or in this case frostbite, is beauty. Other times you look absurd.
4. The Illegality of Sleeping in One’s Car
If I want to sleep in my car why should anyone have a problem with that? Is my sleeping bothering you…..if so you’re probably a creepster and should stop looking into people’s cars at night. So what if you’re grocery store parking lot has a car in it all night? Again I ask….is it really that bothersome? Probably not. Get your panties out of a bunch and get over it Mr. Government.
5. Making Your Bed
Since I was a child this hasn’t made sense to me. We wake up in the morning to leave for most, if not all of the day, to come back home and get in bed again therefore undoing the bed making ritual from earlier in the day. Point A) For most people in the world there are only 3 “people” that actually see our bedroom on a daily basis. You, a significant other, and your kids. Point B) How many people are actually at your house for a good chunk of the day? Most likely not many. Are we worried our house is going to tease the bed and call it names? Is the couch gonna get all the other furniture to gang up on the poor little guy scarring him for life if it’s not made? i state with confidence that this won’t happen. Take the time you spend making your bed doing something awesome like practicing your unicycle skills or throwing a mini morning rave.
6. The Phrase “It’s a catch 22”
One phrase where context clues render themselves useless. Curse you SAT prep! you didn’t prepare me for phrases that don’t make sense!
7. The “It’s Complicated” status on facebook.
Really people? Really? If you’re seriously contemplating choosing this status do your facebook you might as well put "I'm starving for unnecessary attention" as you regular status as well just to be honest about your actions.
8. The Media’s Obsession Over Celebrity’s Lives
Breakups! Scandals! Cheaters! Baby on the Way! Confessions! Are we not aware that this stuff happens to regular people around us literally everyday? What if instead of exploiting celebrities issues we all spent that time actually caring about eachother’s issues and trying to help one another? Sorry to go all Kum Bay Ya on ya but think about it.
9. Home Decorating, Garden, and House Flipping shows.
One per category is enough. You’re not being original because you have a decorator from Australia, a budget that seems unbelievably low, or a unnaturally energetic yet loveable host. Now you show me a home decorating show where you bring in a blind ex-circus elephant to do the wall art and I’ll reconsider my position on the matter.
10. The Autopias at Disneyland
If you’re under the age of sixteen or can’t drive disregard this one. But if not then hear me out. We wait in line….to “drive” tiny cars…..that go 5 miles an hour. When everyday we actually drive real cars at whatever speed we can get away with. Can you ride in a flying boat over London everyday? Probably not. Or how about a hollowed out log around singing rabbits complete with a huge drop plummeting into a thorn patch? Didn’t think so. Wait Wait! Perhaps ancient ruins complete with rotted skeletons, bridges surrounded by fire, and a giant boulder ready to crush whatever’s in it’s path? Doubtful.Let’s face it, Autopias vs. everything else in disneyland. No competition.