La douleur exquise. . .

Today was a pretty eventful day for me. First, I only had to work for four hours. Then I got to hang out with of my good friends who was in town and finally, I had an appointment to get my eyebrows waxed. I like to get my eyebrows waxed at least once a month, with a little tweezing in between for upkeep. However, I’ve been pretty busy lately so I haven’t been able to keep the appointments I’ve made over the past month. So I had gone two months. And I’m fairly lazy about tweezing. It was uh, it was getting pretty bad. I was starting to resemble Eugene Levy. Alright, it wasn’t that bad, but another three weeks and I would’ve looked like Bert from Seasame Street.

So I got to the salon, but they had me booked with a different lady than the one I normally go to. I was a little nervous. I’m pretty particular about who I let wax my eyebrows because I once had an incredibly harrowing experience involving MasterCuts and a bad wax job. Lets just say that for the next two weeks, I always had a surprised look on my face. Anyway, I took the appointment anyway. The new lady was really nice and she asked me if I wanted to try something called “threading” rather than “waxing.” What the hell is threading? I asked. She then went on to tell me that it was an alternative to waxing, doesn’t damage the skin as much and is actually much better in the long run. Alright, I agreed. Does it hurt? I asked. Not anymore than waxing, she informed me.

That lying bitch. I rate it at probably one of the top three most painful experiences of my life. The only things I can imagine to be more painful are childbirth and sitting through Glitter. My eyes were tearing up, my fingernails were digging into the palms of my hands, I felt a pain I had never experienced before in my life. . .it reminded me a lot like losing my virginity. So when I got home I looked up threading online to see what exactly it was, because I still didn’t understand what I had just been through. Here’s a few descriptions I found:

“. . .it’s a form of hair removal with a piece of cotton. We twist the cotton and take each individual hair out from the root. . .”

“. . .the twisting action of the thread traps the hair and lifts it out of the follicle. . .it is a more precise method than waxing and plucking. . .”

Needless to say, I have an appointment with the lady again in a month.