How I Met Your Father

Ted:  And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother.

There is a little pause.

Boy:  Can we go now?

Girl:  Seriously.

Ted:  Come on, kids! Show a little respect.

Boy:  It’s just that every Fall we sit in this exact spot listening to your stories for literally the entire season!

Girl:  Yeah, and we’ve been doing it for the past 5 Falls, dad!

Boy:  You have it set up as if we’re in some kind of TV show, dad!

Ted:  Now kids, remember I sai—  wait a second, what did you guys just call me?

Boy and Girl:  Dad?

Ted:  Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not your guys’ dad.

Boy:  What are you talking about?

Ted:  I’m just an architect slash college professor who is really good friends with your mom.

Girl:  You mean we’ve been sitting here for a quarter of a year, every year, just listening to a stupid teacher tell us an oddly extremely detailed story of almost every bit of his past and how he met our mom? And he’s not even our father??

Ted:  I’m a professor architect. PROFESSOR ARCHIECT. And what gave you the impression that I’m your father??

Girl:  Well, for one, you always refer to us as “kids.”

Ted:  That’s because you ARE kids!

Boy:  And you eat dinner at our house every night then tuck us in when it’s bed time.

Ted:  Okay now that I think about it, I’ll admit that’s kind of weird.

Girl:  Well, if you’re not our father, then who is?

Ted:  Sorry, kids. That’s a personal question you will have to ask your mom about. Well, I gotta go now. I’ll see you guys for dinner tonight!

Boy:  You are so creepy.

Mom:  What’s all the commotion about in here?

Girl:  Mom, can you tell us who our father is?

Mom:  Ah, I knew this day would come…I don’t know if right now is a good time.

Boy:  So later?

Mom: Yeah, maybe like next Fall or something.

Boy and Girl: What??

Mom:  It’ll be great! We’ll meet up in this exact spot every Fall and I’ll tell you the story of your father, how I met him, and where he is today!

Boy:  I’d rather not know.

Girl:  Same.