"105%: Issue One Hundred and Forty Two" by 105%-O-Matic

Now That's What I Call One-Liners! 142

Meat is Self-Defense.

-Andrew Caudill

Buying pants is a lot like watching Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. It's sort of funny the first time they shrink, but every time after that you just get really mad at Rick Moranis.

-Alex Watt

Regrets

They say you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do do. Except when it's in your pants.

-Mayor McCheesy

If Ben Roethlisberger used any more force to get sex, he'd be a Jedi.

-Alex Collins

I saw a homeless person consulting a real estate firm. He told me he was thinking outside the box.

-The NTC

A parent's death hits the youngest child hardest; surely it's no different for Michael Jackson's. That could be a Blanket statement though.

-@WiseguyPictures (@WiseguyPictures)

I can't believe they're banning Four Loko for everyone. They should just ban it for people under 21.

-Kevin Corrigan (@KevinCorrigan)

I ran into my ex-girlfriend today. It didn't go well. Now I need to get my truck fixed.

-Kyle H

Give a fish a fish, and you introduce the concept of slavery to an entire species. Teach a fish to fish, and you make him a mythical, nightmarish murderer feared by his own kind. So maybe just stay away from fish, okay?

-Judd Havinger

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105% / Issue One Hundred and Forty Two

Now That's What I Call One-Liners! 142

Regrets