Our reporter recently sat down with a newly made father, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino.

Reporter: We are live in the Situation’s mom’s basment. Thank you for sitting down and talking with us.

Situation: Ey no problem it’s whatever. I wanted to get my drank on and my fuck on but you know what it’s whatever.

Reporter: So how did you find out about being an expecting father?

Situation: Look we got a situation here because I’m hearin about this alleged baby as these words are coming out of my mouth.

Reporter: You’ve been expecting this baby for a couple months now…

Situation: Oh yeah right that baby, now that’s gonna be a good looking baby. I’m gonna be honest with you right now, condoms feel funny. I probably got a couple venereal diseases going on down in the situation room but I’m the Situation and I’m here to get my smush on.

Reporter: Do you plan on keeping it?

Situation: The Situation is always down for a situbortion.

Reporter: I’m sorry I don’t think I understand you. Situation: Enough with the small talk. I did that obese oompa loompa snickers or whatever and I gotta be frank with you I’m tryna smush right here right now in my parents basement.

Reporter: Mr. Sorrentino this is really out of line!

Situation: I’m sorry. As much as I talk a big game I’m real…whats that word?

Reporter: insecure?

Situation: Yeah that’s it. The Situation has a small penis and The Situation may or may not overcompensate a bit. You’re not recording this are you?