I was driving to a friend's house one evening when a cop pulled out and started following me. I live in a pathetically small town, where everything shuts down around 8, including the stop lights. All the major intersections have blinking yellow lights at night. Being only 17 at the time, and hating being followed by a cop, I stopped for every blinking yellow light. After the third one, the cop put on his lights and pulled me over. Apparently, a blinking yellow means slow down only if there is traffic. He gave me a written warning for being too careful.
My uncle used to live out in the boonies, a few empty acres off a county road in central California. He made his own Jerky, had a bunch of dirt bikes and his very own cannon, which he fired to impress us when we were kids. One year, on the 4th of July, my Uncle was celebrating independence by firing old T-shirts into an open field. After some time, a local officer showed up to investigate.
"We got a report that someone was setting off loud fireworks in this vicinity," the Officer told my Uncle, "would you know anything about that."
My Uncle looked at the officer, and looked at his artillery. "Why no sir," he replied, "I've just been firing blanks off in this here cannon. No fireworks though, those are illegal."
After a thoughtful moment, the officer looked at the cannon, looked at my uncle and replied, "Well, nothing illegal about cannons, far as I know. You have a nice night."
I was a goody two-shoes in high school. My friends and I were all straight-A students. In 12th grade, four of us decided to steal a Dairy Queen cake because our friend knew a guy who did that once and it seemed funny for some reason. We had a whole plan. Two people would distract the woman at the cash register, one person would grab a cake, and I was the getaway driver. It went smoothly. My friend grabbed the cake and we escaped. What we did not do was carry cell phones or plan a meeting place. After a little bit, we drove back to Dairy Queen to look for our friends. That gave the employees a chance to write down my license plate number and call the cops. It turned out our friends had just walked home. The police came to my house later, my parents grounded me and we had to pay for the cake. The worst part was that we never even ate the cake because we felt too guilty. My mom said to me after, "If you wanted a cake so bad I would have bought you one, you idiot."
I got pulled over today for going 13 mph over the speed limit on a rural road. I told the police officer that I was rushing home because my grandfather had been in the hospital. He waited a few seconds, then handed me the ticket and told me to, "give grandpa his best."
During Winter break my freshman year of college, my friends and I had a handful of police cars and a helicopter called out on us because we were sledding in a park at 10 pm. They gave us a very stern, "Don't do it again."
One night I was in a friend's car, driving down the highway with a couple other guys. We got pulled over for speeding. This conversation ensued.
Cop: "Tell me why I shouldn't give you a ticket! Or two, or three, or four!"
Driver: "Uhh "
Cop: "Wow, you can't think of one reason? Maybe your friends here can help you out. Anyone?"
Passenger: "Because you're a nice guy?"
Cop: "I've heard that one before. Yeah, I guess I am a nice guy. From now on, when you see a cop, slow down."
He was a pretty nice guy because he let us go after that.
A few summers back, a coworker and I parked her car by a set of docks that backed a man-made lake by my house. We started to enjoy a marijuana cigarette when a cop pulled up behind us. They didn't flash lights or sirens, and I'm pretty sure they shifted into neutral and rolled towards us, because it scared the piss out of me when they knocked on the window. It was pretty clear what we were up to from the smell and our bloodshot eyes. Apparently, their problem was that the area was part of a park, and parking there past a certain point was illegal. They told us we had to leave. Not wanting to drive while over-the-moon-baked, we asked if we could maybe wait a half an hour. They agreed, returned to their car, then put on a spotlight and pointed it directly at us. And waited. For half an hour. Just sitting there. Freaking us out.