In like a lion, out like a slightly more warm lion.
Backward fitted caps, a father and a failure, goatees everywhere.
Pretty sure I could beat Watson in any eating contest. In fact, that goes for any computer. Except maybe the IBM Eat-o-Tron 4000.
My mom brought home a step-ladder yesterday. It's so weird not having my real ladder around anymore
Whenever I'm having a rough day and need some positives in my life, I do addition.
New York is so expensive. I already spent 60 bucks today and all I've done is eat lunch and get mugged.
Racist
I don't mean to sound racist, but every time I say "I don't mean to sound racist" I sound pretty racist.If you can't stand the Heat, the Orlando Magic aren't bad.
When I want to relax, I play Tetris. But when I REALLY want to relax, I stop playing Tetris.
105%: Issue One Hundred and Sixty
If Your Childhood Board Games Were German
All The Funniest Vines In One Convenient Place
The 10 Best Ways to Ask Someone to Prom
Alright, dudes, I'm Ready for 420
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots
