Dating, It's Complicated: #98

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!

When I first started dating my (ex)boyfriend, we used to ask each other a lot of questions to get to know each other more. Well, he decided to ask me what I would do if someone random were to walk up to me and punch me in the face. I asked him when this would ever happen, and all he said was that he’d seen it happen before. I had no response.
MS

Me and my now ex were fooling around one time and I decided to make her squirt. We were at my apartment on my bed and she unleashed a flood of juices soaking my bed to the point that I had to do a load of laundry and flip my mattress. Fast forward to a few nights later when I’m staying at her place and I’m about to make her squirt again when she stops me. She didn’t want to soak her bed but she had no problem doing it to mine.
Adam B.

My girlfriend thinks I look like Justin Bieber and said it’s part of the reason she hooked up with me in the first place. I don’t know whether to be happy about this or insulted…
J

Today, I burped into my girlfriends mouth after eating a bag of sour cream & onion chips and she nearly threw up.
Brian D

While me and my girlfriend were mutually masturbating, she got to a point where she froze like a statue, and held her breath. She then proceeded to contort her body in a manner quite awkward, until she told me to stop, to reveal a very large wet spot on the bed. Long story short, we decided to pour Fanta on the bed to mask the smell and look of it and pass it off as an accidental spill, while her parents lay in the other room sleeping. Funniest, night ever.
TK

I used to date this guy who had two unruly dogs. One time they pooped while he was straightening up around the house, and he asked me how he should clean up the poop. I jokingly said, “Why don’t you just vacuum it?”. He did.
Elle

My boyfriend eats rubbish food – it doesn’t agree with me but when I’m with him I eat it anyway. He thinks I don’t like to spoon with him as much as he likes to spoon with me. Its not true. I’m worried about him feeling me fart on his leg. I once felt him fart on my leg when he was asleep. It was not nice.
Anonymous

I was texting my boyfriend during soccer practice. He asked me what I was doing and I replied “I wanna be kicking a ball.” My phone was on T9 mode so I wasn’t aware that instead it said “I wanna be licking a ball.” About ten minutes from when I sent that text my boyfriend was at the soccer field, eager and heavily breathing.
R

My girlfriend plays with my foreskin and giggles to herself for a good 10 minutes at a time, she says, “Look now he’s wearing his sweater, hood on, hood off, hood on, hood off!”
TG

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