16. Camping Equipment
Oh, man. Camping would be so fun! No, you don't have any camping equipment, but you can buy some. Camping is definitely something you're going to want to do more than once. You'll buy the single most expensive tent and the finest sleeping bag, sleeping pad, and sleeping net money can buy. If you're going to sleep on the ground all night, you're going to do it right. Like a sissy who is still wildly uncomfortable the whole time.
17. A Hammock You Don't Really Have Anywhere to Put
Hammocks are the pinnacle of relaxation. That is, of course, if you have lots of time on your hands, two non-cone-bearing trees the absolute perfect distance from each other, and the desire to spend a couple of hours wrapped in a net. While this might not sound like the most comfortable thing in the world, you will undoubtedly find yourself having a difficult time getting out. Which is one of the very few parallels it has with street gang membership.
18. Running/Hiking Shoes
Who doesn't like a good run or hike at the height of the summer? Everyone, that's who. But thanks to your new summer job money and the delusion that you'll be using all your free time to better yourself, you'll splurge on a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes that help you in only one specific area of pedestrianism and invariably make you look even more pathetic when, the one time you go jogging, you have to stop every 1/8th of a mile so you can "tie your shoe." The old lady who just lapped you isn't buying it.
19. iPod Speakers
If you thought wearing jean shorts was the fastest way to get everyone at the beach to hate you, then think again! Not only will your tinny summer anthems be good-time kryptonite for all those within earshot of their blaring, but the speakers will inevitably become covered in sand and ruined before the end of the day. Factor in everyone's packing-up-to-go-home method of choice (the ol' shove and stuff) and you can guarantee they'll be completely unusable forevermore.
20. Baseball Glove
Hey, remember playing baseball in the yard with your friends as a child? That was great, huh? Let's relive the old days, grab one of the ol' throwing
spheres and have ourselves a
game? Match? Who knows? You haven't done anything resembling exercise since school stopped forcing you. Want to relive your childhood summers? Find a Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition from the 80's and lock yourself in your room for 3 hours.