"I cracked the case." – detective who just dropped his iPhone
"Those who delete their internet history are doomed to repeat it."
Bragging about being a "real New Yorker" is just an optimistic way of admitting you're poorly traveled.
It turns out my grandfather was lying when he said "I've got your nose!" The nose belonged to a drifter.
Worst Car Game Ever
I'm thinking of a word between a and z. Ok go.I'm on a first-name basis with most elderly people. They call me the first name they can think of, and I politely go along with it.
My parents don't approve of me attending culinary school. They think I'm just wasting thyme
105%: Issue One Hundred and Sixty
The 10 Best Ways to Ask Someone to Prom
Angry Amazon Reviews of Adorable Dog Costumes
The Six Types of Commencement Speakers
Inquisitive George Visits a Hospital
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots
