105% / Issue One Hundred and Fifty Five

by 105%-O-Matic on June 30, 2011

I don't want to sound homophobic, but I don't think gay male grizzly bear couples should be allowed to raise kids. They usually eat them.

-Kevin Corrigan @KevinCorrigan

I'm an anthropologist. Every time my girlfriend gets mad at me, I buy her something from Anthropology.

-Brian Murphy @CHMurph

I recently fell into some money. Unfortunately it was only 5 bucks, so I broke my nose.

-Mike Fagan

I'm starting to feel kind of guilty for flushing the Indian in my cupboard down the toilet. Sorry, I mean Native American.

-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures

I'm going to start calling my testicles "horses." That way when anyone says "Hold your horses" I'll have something fun to do.

-Jeff Rosenberg @JeffRosie

Technically speaking, until someone starts paying you to be a member of the working class, you're just an amateurletarian.

Early stage pyramid schemes are known as "ziggurat schemes."

-Andrew Bridgman @AndyBridgman

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