The Body Goes To Sleep

by Eddie Small on July 27, 2011

Brain: Ok people, it’s getting late. I’m shutting the systems down. Everyone ready?

Legs: Sorry, not tired.

Brain: Come on, legs. We’ve got work in eight hours. How are you not tired?

Legs: Maybe if someone had gone running today—you know, like he said he was going to this morning—I’d be tired. But he didn’t, so the most use I got was walking from the desk to the vending machine three times, so I’m not tired.

Brain: Look, legs, I’m sorry. We’ve had a lot going on lately; there just hasn’t been that much time.

Legs: Oh, right, there’s been so much going on. The Ace of Cakes marathon, the Law and Order marathon, the King of Queens marathon…Christ, you don’t even like that last one! You spent the whole time making fun of Kevin James!

Brain: Our roommates need to know how great we are at mocking pop culture! If you can think of a better way to do that, be my guest.

Legs: You used to read books, brain.

Brain: Look, if we get enough sleep tonight, we can go running tomorrow, ok? But for now, let’s just go to bed.

Eyes: Hey, why did we go to the vending machine three times today anyway?

Mouth: We were looking for Bugles. Thought they might have restocked the supply sometime during the afternoon.

Legs: Has that happened before? Has that ever happened? Even once?!

Mouth: Hey, today might have been the day!

Brain: Seriously, eyes? Why did you have to get them started?

Eyes: Penis told me if I found a way to keep looking at the Scarlett Johansson poster instead of closing he would give me a dollar.

Brain: Penis…

Penis: Too late. Already up. Not going back to sleep anytime soon. Let’s invite a girl over.

Brain: It’s 11:30. On a Tuesday.

Penis: What, so prostitutes don’t work on Tuesdays anymore?

Brain: sigh Hands, can you take care of this?

Hands: Yeah, yeah, just gimme a second.

Legs: I’m just saying, if it had ever happened before—if the vending machine had ever gotten a second shipment of Bugles midday—I could understand the multiple checks. But we’ve been working there for three years! And it’s never happened!

Hands: All done.

Brain: Wow, nice work! That was fast.

Penis: No, no it wasn’t. It took a perfectly…normal amount of time…average is actually just like…like three…minutes…zzz…

Brain: Ok, so we’re good now, right?

Ears: Wait, can we put some soothing sounds on first? Like babbling brook? Or Justin Bieber?

Brain: Come on, ears. You know what babbling brook makes the little guy have to do. And I’m really tired of having so many Bieber dreams.

Penis: …zzz…not little…perfectly normal sized…zzz…

Ears: But it helps me! Right now all I can hear is our roommates, and they’re still watching King of Queens!

Brain: More like King of Cuisine, right? Because Kevin James is so fat? Oh man, I have got to remember that one for the next marathon!

Ears: Can you just put some soothing sounds on?

Brain: Fine. Hands, be ready to write that ‘cuisine’ comment down first thing in the morning before we forget.

(The body gently drifts off into sleep)