Yaarden, I was the one that deflated your air mattress that you slept on instead of a real bed. I was wielding your Claymore sword around in your room and clipped it. A thousand apologies, bro.
Mike B. from UWO
Dear roommate, because you insist that MY flat screen TV and xbox are yours to enjoy whenever and for however long you please even when I ask you if I can use them politely after you've watched your fourth installment of Grey's Anatomy for the evening I've decided to take matters into my own hands. I put all the MAC addresses for my devices into our router. When you piss me off I enable MAC address filtering, causing you to get booted from the internet. I wait until you get so frustratedafter playing with the router for hoursthat you decide to call our cable provider. Once you get on the phone with customer service, I disable the MAC address filtering on our router, and tada, you have internet again! This way tech support doesn't ask you to pull up our router settings and clue you in on what I've done.
I know I always tease you for snoring like a disgusting trucker but I am secretly thankful that you do, so I always know when to masturbate. My vagina thanks you.
Anon Y. Mous
Last year, me and 3 other guys from my hometown decided to rent out a house together up at school. We had a blast, and for the most part we didn't have any big fights and got along pretty well. The only thing that pissed me and two of the other guys off was how much of a pig the fourth roommate was. All year he probably did about one load of dishes, and would sleep in while the rest of us spent cleaning up from the night before. While not being a huge deal at the time, it slowly started EATING AWAY AT MY SOUL (I'll admit, I like to keep the place pretty clean) so I decided to do the most passive-aggressive thing I could think of for payback. To this day, whenever I feel stressed out, I call him restricted and play "Never Going to Give You Up" while he shouts into the phone, "STOP CALLING ME YOU F**KING PR*CK I'M GOING TO HAVE VORIZON AND TRACE YOUR NUMBER". The kicker is I know he's way too lazy to ever go through all that effort, so I don't really have anything to worry about.
Pat S. from Toledo
I share an apartment with three other people and two of them are fine apart from one. This roommate was a complete asshole who would just do all this passive aggressive crap to try get me to react and eventually kicked out of our apartment. So one day I find out from my girlfriend that he was trying to hit on her one night, this is when I decided enough was enough, and I came up with an idea to get back at him. No, I didn't piss in his shampoo. No, I didn't clean the toilet with his toothbrush, but what I did do was sucker punch him as he stepped out of the shower and broke his nose. After that night he didn't come back for several weeks and even then it was to collect his things to move in with his parents.
I don't do passive aggressive.
I was living with 4 very messy guys my first year at university and tolerated most of their quirks; the french exchange student sleeping on a mattress he found down the street and leaving cartons of milk in his room for days on end, the weird night time creeper, the raging man-whore, and the asshole douchebag (only way to describe him). I cleaned the house all the time, and it still looked like several garbage bombs went off so I asked the guys to help maintain the house, to no avail. Second request was met with snorts and rolled eyes. The third time I said they best clean their crap up or they won't like what happens next. And they made a mess. So I put Meatloaf's Greatest Hits on repeat, cranked it and locked my door. When I checked my cell I had 20 missed calls begging to come home and turn it off. I stayed at a friends house that night and came home to a living room full of bleary eyed maids for the rest of the year.
Elia S. from York University
I never went to college and rather went straight to working at a gigantic software company as a Server admin, nevertheless I have a few confessions. (I can say all this now that I work at a new company)
To the users I supported:
The seemingly random times it took for me to complete your server deployment wasn't because of technical issues; it was taking longer than it should because you were being a dick, conversely if you came to my desk and chatted for a bit acting like a human being your stuff would get done faster, Or if you bought me lunch, expect that shit to be done by the end of the day
To my boss:
I faked the logs on the power system, the data analysis super-computer didn't go down because of a power failure, I accidentally hit the emergency power off switch while having sex with my girlfriend in the datacenter (Large computers make her hot).
Yeah, I was bringing my girlfriend into the building after hours and into high-security areas (no she doesn't work there, and no I never got her a visitor pass)
Server Monkey from Massive Software company