Whichever ad exec wrote "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" is more than welcome to help me dislodge this peanut butter cup from my ear.
My inferiority complex is not as good as everybody else's.
I'm not racyclist, but I think bikes should have their own lanes.
If the guy's pants are on fire, give him a fucking break about being a liar liar for a second.
My prison inmates got mad at me for dropping the brand new soap. They really tore me a new one.
I don't like to mix business with pleasure. That's why I never bring my laptop to work.
If clowns are comedians for children, does that technically make them statutory japists?
105%: Issue One Hundred and Sixty
The 10 Lies You Tell Yourself Every All-Nighter
Peggy Olson's Next 6 Awesome Predictions
If Your Childhood Board Games Were German
The Six Types of Commencement Speakers
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots
