"105%: Issue One Hundred and Fifty Nine" by 105%-O-Matic

It's important to be conservative with water. That's why when I shower I just redistribute the cleanliness amongst the already clean.

-Julie Shain @JulieShain

I don't know why I even bother eating tangerines if people are going to keep growing more. We're never going to finish them that way.

-Kevin Corrigan @KevinCorrigan

It's too bad you can't attend your own funeral. I'd really love to hear what everyone has to say about where they're going to eat afterwards.

Nothing screams "gay" like my stepdad at me.

-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures

Lost my debit card over the weekend and someone used it to buy $200 worth of Korean Wizard Porn, AND they delivered it to MY apartment!

-Caldwell Tanner @Caldy

"There's nothing 'special' about this rape victim. Let's go home and play videogames, Munch." -weird episode of Law & Order: SVU

-Andrew Bridgman @AndyBridgman

Recent polls show that more than 99 percent of women refuse to have phone sex with pollsters.

-Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit

Article