11. The Himmler in Argentina
Night of: Beer and peppermint schnapps.
Symptoms: nausea, monocles, persistent fresh breath.
12. The Forbes 500
Night of: Martinis and alcoholic punch at an office party or convention.
Symptoms: Headache, embarrassing letters to The Economist.
Cure: 8-10 hours of sleep on the floor of an executive washroom.
13. The Sommelier
Night of: Wine tasting that eventually becomes just drinking.
Symptoms: Headache, false sense of culture.
Cure: Anything from Dairy Queen.
14. The Joseph Smith
Night of: Copious amounts of 3.2% beer.
Symptoms: light nausea, sore kidneys.
Cure: High-altitude hiking, polygamy.
15. The Mr. Boston Strangler
Night of: Forcing a mixer to work with an inappropriate liquor, i.e. margarita mix with Jagermeister.
Symptoms: Shakiness, hernia.
Cure: A drop of morning dew from a single white rose.
16. The Frat Paddle
Night of: Keg beer and marijuana.
Symptoms: Dizziness, "bro voice."
Cure: Raw cookie dough and microwaved bacon.
17. The Willie N.
Night of: Whiskey and marijuana.
Symptoms: "Lot lizard voice," persistent cough, nausea.
Cure: Scrambled eggs, and more whiskey and marijuana.
18. The Jerry G.
Night of: Beer in tandem with multiple hallucinogenics.
Symptoms: Disorientation, headache.
Cure: Recording yourself jamming with friends; talking about how "awesome" it sounds between each song.
19. The Janis J.
Night of: Variant of the Dancing Bear that also includes any hard alcohol.
Symptoms: Auditory and visual hallucinations, disorientation.
Cure: Writing, directing, and starring in a short experimental film, which should be destroyed immediately.
20. The Lizard King
Night of: Southern Comfort and peyote.
Symptoms: Dizziness, tinnitis.
Cure: Ask your spirit animal.