Every red blooded American loves to grill. Unfortunately for you, your RA is anything but American. I heard he was born in Portugal. Ugh, what a dickhead! The second his nose detects the smell of well-marbled, fat-reduced freedom, he’ll be practically girl-punching his way through your door to catch you in the unholy act of cooking food to eat. Good thing you have a plan.
First things first, throw any meat you may be cooking out of the window to get rid of the evidence. Unplug the grill and hide it behind your back (CAREFUL, that baby will be hot, so don’t touch the grilling surface).
Next, answer the door like, “Oh hey, what’s going on, Craig?“ While he’s all, “I smell something cooking! Blah blah blah,” open the grill and mash the heated metal into his face. He’s ruined his last cookout!
As he lies writhing on the floor, hot burger grease quickly cauterizing his corneas, make a run for it. Who needs college when you can live the much more entertaining life of a fugitive on the run! And don’t worry, you can always buy another Foreman grill with the money you grabed out of your RA’s pockets before you ran off into your destiny!
First things first, throw any meat you may be cooking out of the window to get rid of the evidence. Unplug the grill and hide it behind your back (CAREFUL, that baby will be hot, so don’t touch the grilling surface).
Next, answer the door like, “Oh hey, what’s going on, Craig?“ While he’s all, “I smell something cooking! Blah blah blah,” open the grill and mash the heated metal into his face. He’s ruined his last cookout!
As he lies writhing on the floor, hot burger grease quickly cauterizing his corneas, make a run for it. Who needs college when you can live the much more entertaining life of a fugitive on the run! And don’t worry, you can always buy another Foreman grill with the money you grabed out of your RA’s pockets before you ran off into your destiny!
Amazing Dad Magic
The 8 Stages of Staying Up All Night
The Internet Justice League
What Everyone in Your Family is Bringing for Thanksgiving
Job Interview Dos and Don'ts
The True Meaning of Christmas, According to Christmas Movies
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
