You took that photo as a joke, okay? Your girlfriend is spending the semester in Germany and you were having a goof on that dumb "sexting" thing everyone is talking about. She thought it was hilarious and sexy. No, she didn't send anything back of her, but that isn't the point.

Regardless of whether or not the stoppage was caused by an overuse of paper or insufficient water pressure, if you need to ask a friend where they keep their plunger, you might as well spend the rest of your friendship holding a sign that reads "My body excretes so much, modern plumbing, as impressive as it may be, is still not advanced enough to handle my bowel movements."

If it weren't for your parents having sex, you wouldn't be wedged between them on the couch watching two of Hollywood's most talented actors (that aren't above doing this sort of thing to garner attention) making sweet, sweet, scripted love. No matter how tastefully done the scene is, you won't be able to get the thought of your parents doing the same thing out of your mind.

Seeing someone do anything without pants on makes for an uncomfortable experience. It's one of the many reasons why soccer will never catch on in America. At least when you walk in on a person you know having sex, they have someone besides you to share their embarrassment with—and more importantly, remind them to stop making that face.

Your parents love you and would do absolutely anything within their power to see you succeed. That being said, they would probably be all right with settling for never having to see you hunched over treating your body like it's a PlayStation in the computer room ever again. Masturbating is essentially waving the "white flag" of romantic defeat—often at an alarmingly fast rate—and no one likes to admit to their parents that they've failed.