What they say: “Martin, is that you?”
What they use to decorate: Naturally occurring cobwebs, what remains of the decoratively-painted gourd her grandson left on the doorstep before moving halfway across the country with his ungrateful parents last Halloween.
What they hand out: Werther’s Original sugar-free hard candies.
What they say: “Halloween, eh?”
What they use to decorate: Unraked leaves.
What they hand out: Salt packets from Arby’s, Sports Illustrated subscription cards.
What they say: “What do you want, nerd?”
What they use to decorate: The chucked eggs and toilet paper that got him in trouble.
What they hand out: Whatever his “bitch mom” bought.
What they say: “Sorry, kids, but I’m all out of ‘outside’ candy.”
What they use to decorate: Foreclosure signs, Pokemon cards.
What they hand out: Weird vibes, full-sized Snickers—if you hang around long enough.
What they say: “Feliz Dia de los Muertos Eve, my little compadres.”
What they use to decorate: Vintage Vincent Price movie posters.
What they hand out: Assorted 45s and 8-tracks there is no longer any room for now that the baby is here.
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It's like people on the Internet have never seen a boob before. Come to think of it, many of them haven't.
"I guess these are cool. If you like that kind of thing. Whatever. " - Porsche owner, moments before bursting into tears.
Anyone who DOESN'T want to live in the Hobbit houses is crazier than Denethor.
My all-dental dam band will never be this good.
All these Twitter accounts are run by Odie.
You will be more frightened while watching this video than anyone in it.
Good luck, detention monitor.
Sometimes the most timeless, magical things happen accidentally. Like farts.
When is the holiday to memorialize stupid people lighting themselves on fire?
