What they say: "Martin, is that you?"

What they use to decorate: Naturally occurring cobwebs, what remains of the decoratively-painted gourd her grandson left on the doorstep before moving halfway across the country with his ungrateful parents last Halloween.

What they hand out: Werther's Original sugar-free hard candies.

What they say: "Halloween, eh?"

What they use to decorate: Unraked leaves.

What they hand out: Salt packets from Arby's, Sports Illustrated subscription cards.

What they say: "What do you want, nerd?"

What they use to decorate: The chucked eggs and toilet paper that got him in trouble.

What they hand out: Whatever his "bitch mom" bought.

What they say: "Sorry, kids, but I'm all out of 'outside' candy."

What they use to decorate: Foreclosure signs, Pokemon cards.

What they hand out: Weird vibes, full-sized Snickers—if you hang around long enough.

What they say: "Feliz Dia de los Muertos Eve, my little compadres."

What they use to decorate: Vintage Vincent Price movie posters.

What they hand out: Assorted 45s and 8-tracks there is no longer any room for now that the baby is here.