A Diary Entry By Someone Who Doesn't Understand How Diaries Work

Dear Diary,

Another day, another letter. What the hell is your problem? It has been seven weeks and I haven’t heard a word from you. I’ve written you eleven letters total. Is this how you treat all the kids who write you with their problems? My mom said you could help me with my self-esteem issues, if anything it’s gotten worse. How do you think I feel when you don’t answer any of my letters? I’ll tell you how I feel, Diary. I feel bad. I feel really, really bad. (What kind of a name is Diary anyway, Dutch?)

So, to reiterate, here are the things I need help with: Mark Berman has been really mean to me at school. I hate him. Oh, and I like this girl, Susan. My mom and dad fight all the time. It’s so annoying! I hate being neglected. Oh, and my dad keeps bothering me about stupid stuff. Homework this, clean the garage that. Him and my mom are so gay together. He also punched my face.

Ok, so that’s what I need help with. I’d really, really, really like to hear back from you. Even if you don’t think you can help, I just want to know that someone is listening to me, you know? I mean, I said in my 6th, 7th and 8th letter that I hate being ignored. I don’t want to have to send another letter.

                                                                                                Sincerely,
                                                                                                Bobby Thompson