The 10 Ornaments on Your Christmas Tree

Where it came from: The Fort Lauderdale Airport, from that time you went to visit your worse grandparents for Thanksgiving and there was a 6 hour delay on your flight home.
Where it goes on the tree: Wherever the cat won’t get to it. You can’t put a price on something like this.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: (Polite Chuckle) “Yeah, he is wearing swim trunks.”

Where it came from: A Kindergarten classroom
Where it goes on the tree: The back, deep in the back
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “Aw, remember this one?” Then, moments later, “How does this thing still have glitter to shed? I’m gonna be covered in this for days.”

Where it came from: The craft fair your parents went to when they took that trip to Vermont. You remember. They brought you back those maple candies too.
Where it goes on the tree: On the sturdiest branch that can be found.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “Why don’t you let your mother hang that one?”

Where it came from: Your uncle’s much younger girlfriend who didn’t know quite what to get your mom for her 50th birthday.
Where it goes on the tree: Behind a different ornament, ready to be placed in a more prominent spot should she “pop in” for a visit.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “How’s Aunt Tracy doing?”

Where it came from: Technically, Pier 1 Imports, but your mom’s friend who died of a lady cancer gave it to her, so you’re supposed to treat it like a one-of-a-kind gem.
Where it goes on the tree: Right up near the top, but in that little divot where the branches get patchy.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: Oh shit. Do we have any glue? Someone go check that drawer in the kitchen. I know it was there last year.