The 10 Ornaments on Your Christmas Tree

Where it came from: An evil witch, by way of your father’s weird cousin who makes her own candles
Where it goes on the tree: It doesn’t matter. It’s always looking at you.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “No, we can’t just not hang it this year…Because it’s tradition!”

Where it came from: Antiquity/Woolworth’s
Where it goes on the tree: Gingerly nestled in the most lush and visible section of the tree
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “I remember exactly when Pop-Pop let me pick this one out. I was wearing this great pea coat with lace trim and…”

Where it came from: Target
Where it goes on the tree: In between the religious ones to keep things from getting too Jesus-y.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “The trick is to buy ornaments right after Christmas. This whole box of bulbs? $1.29.” (NOTE: remove 12 cents from the price every subsequent year.)

Where it came from: It must have been a gift, but no one remembers who gave it. There’s a chance it was in the house when you moved in.
Where it goes on the tree: The bottom. Way at the bottom.
What’s always said while it’s being hung: “Wait, no, you have to hook it on a few branches, then prop it…or just kind of let it rest on the floor there. Does that look weird? It’s probably fine.”

Where it came from: A water-damaged box, marked “X-Misc” in the top of a closet.

Where it goes on the tree: All over—except for that one spot. And that one, too. Oh, and that one.

What’s always said while it’s being hung: “This will look fine once the tree settles, but we’re definitely going to do a better job putting these lights away this year.”