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Ricky Van Veen

Jock Jams Volume 1 Applies for Car Insurance

by Ricky Van Veen on

Vehicle Description and Use

To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right
To the front, to the front, to the back, to the back
Now dip baby dip, come on let’s dip baby dip baby
Dip baby just dip, baby dip baby dip

Coverages and Premiums

Pump up the jam,
Pump up the jam,
Pump up the jam
pump it up
pump it,
pump it,
pump it.

Resident & Driver Information

Party people let me hear some noise
DC’s in the house jump jump and rejoice
There’s a party over here
a party over there
Wave your hands in the air
Shake the deriere
These three words mean you’re gettin’ busy
Whoomp there it is
whoomp there it is

Accidents/Convictions – Each field is required for ALL Drivers

Everybody Dance now …
Everybody Dance now …
Give me the music
Give me the music

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Ricky Van Veen

Ricky Van Veen

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I Fought the Law Run-ins with the cops See All »
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Plastic Joe

So my uncle steals credit cards. It's kind of his thing. They once called him 'Plastic Joe' on the news, which he wildly objected to, claiming that it made him sound "like a Goddamn vibrator!" Anyway, when I was 11, the cops were raiding our house, looking for evidence to incarcerate my dear, misguided uncle. The whole family is on the porch, and my lazy-eyed dog... Read More » will not stop barking at the asshole police. They tell us that we had better shut the dog up, because he does have the authority to shoot it. I'm thinking that if he even tries to shoot my dumbass mouth breather dog, I'll punch him in the tooth. A couple of minutes later, another officer comes out of the house, and slams down a comically large orange envelope on the table, and blank credit cards and credit card paraphernalia spill out everywhere. The officer has death in his eyes, and demands to know who the envelope belongs to. Nobody says anything. But then smart ass 11 year old me stands up, and says dramatically, "Officer. Those are obviously mine. I'm a mafia crime lord. They call me Plastic Joe." I extend my wrists for cuffs. "Be gentle." The shit hits the fan. The officers get furious, my grandma is trying to tell them I was obviously joking, my sister is calling me stupid, and my uncle is laughing his balls off. 11 year old girl: 1 Cops: 0 Well, I mean...my uncle did end up getting arrested. So...maybe it's a tie.