Extremely Jealous Boyfriend Episode 2: Trouble in Paradise

When we last left our superhero, he was putting his girl in her place when she had the audacity to speak to another person. Extremely Jealous Boyfriend then returned to his college campus, across the country…

Extremely Jealous Boyfriend:I think Amanda is cheating on me, man.

Friend: Nah, you’re crazy. Amanda is a great girl, she wouldn’t —

Extremely Jealous Boyfriend interrupts his friend with a punch to the jaw. The friend hits the pavement hard. His skull is bleeding. He is shocked.

EJB: We’ve been friends since second grade… but as of today, you’re dead to me. You understand me?

Friend: I just meant… that she’s a great girlfriend… and she wouldnt cheat on you…

EJB: If you ever talk about my girl again, I will kill you.

Friend: Your nose… it’s… bleeding…

EJB: Goddammit. That means shes talking to another guy. I gotta go.

Friend: Fare thee well, friend… fare thee well. (takes one last breath. Dies.)

Meanwhile, across the country…

Professor: Can anybody explain to me “Economies of Scale?” Yes, Amanda.

Amanda: Economies of Scale is like when you produce more goods than the av—

Extremely Jealous Boyfriend kicks down the door to this giant auditorium. The 400 students in attendance gasp.

EJB: Where are you, bitch?! My eyes suck shit and I can’t wear glasses without looking like a nerd!

Amanda: Oh my gosh, baby! What’s wrong?

EJB: You tell me, slut! Who the hell is this old guy? Your new boyfriend or something?

Professor: Young man, please.

EJB: I can’t believe you’re fucking this guy. I can’t leave you alone for two minutes!

Amanda: Baby, please.

EJB: Don’t baby, me! You know how much these flights cost!?

Professor: I demand to know the meaning of this.

EJB: Me too old man. Were you guys just gonna butt-fuck in front of all these other dudes? Like some sort of Dutch Sex Show!? YOU just cost yourself a birthday gift, tramp.

Amanda: Happy Valentines Day… I love you so much.

EJB: You’re worse than Leukemia.

Extremely Jealous Boyfriend leaves promptly. The classroom is in awe. They just came face to face with a real superhero.

Next time on… “The Adventures of Extremely Jealous Boyfriend” an arch-nemesis emerges…

Amanda: Honey, this is David, my best friend from back home. He’s gay.

Extremely Jealous Boyfriend squints hard, staring at gay best friend. Gay best friend smiles back.