Bwahaha! Finally, I will defeat you! For you see, Steve Rogers, it is I, Dr.Brain! And you will now surely die, Fire-Man!

What?

Ever since I got my doctorate in Evil, I swore to destroy all super-heroes who could oppose me. And you, Fire-Man, are my sworn foe!

I'm not… not literally a fireman.

Yes! The Fireman! With the absurd costumes, the adorable dog companion: it all adds up. Plus, I heard you were the "real superheroes."

Woah, woah I'm not literally a "real superhero!" That's just something people say at press-conferences!

Oh geez. So you don't control fire? You're not Earth's last hope against my dino-army?

No. I just saved a kid from a fire.

Was it… a fire ghost!?

No.

Yikes. This… man, I'm sorry, dude. But I spent a lot of money on this super-hero gladiator fight. So… I'm thinking we just go for this anyway.

…

And hey, "saying 'no' to drugs makes you the real hero," right? Spiderman said that. So I guess you still count, right?

Cocaine problem, if we're being honest.

Oh come on.

Don't judge. I have to save kids from fires!

That sounds heroic to me. The super-villain charter lets us go after anything equal to or exceeding Robin.

Gritty Nightwing-Robin or Normal Robin?

1960s "Gee-Willikers" Robin.

Oh God…

Yeah. Super-villain secret? There've been, like, 10,000 Robins since 1950.

You just killed them all!?

What? No! Although, if we did, hey, come on, we're evil. But he'd just walk off and die a lot. There was one time he just ate a lot of pennies.

Wow. Really?

Yeah. And you know what's even worse? It wasn't even "one time."

This seems kind of unfair.

Yeah. But, look, I'm not heartless. You're thinking of Professor-Heartless, the Robot Wizard. Look, if you can defeat the four-fanged yeti of Saturn, I shake my fist, I'll yell "curses," blah blah blah, and we do this again next week. Wait, you can fly, right?

Not even close.

Okay, yikes. This… this is going to be a short comic.

Can… can I call my wife?

I mean, it's kind of long distance, isn't it? We're sort of at my moon-base. You know, for when you fight the moon-worms.

…

Yeah, you're going to die.