The Dorklyst: The 7 Most Disturbing Moments in Pokemon History

Some people have the absurd notion that Pokemon is nothing more than a series about obnoxiously cute and cuddly critters beating each other to the point of exhaustion — all in the name of friendship and perseverance. Okay, they may be kind of right in that regard, but what these naysayers don’t know is that beneath Pokemon’s misleading exterior there is a seedy underbelly. Here’s our tribute to the most disturbing moments in Pokemon.

7) Celadon City Pervert Alert (Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow Version)

This elderly individual decided to take full advantage of the Celadon City Police Department’s preoccupation with the influx of Team Rocket grunts to indulge in his voyeuristic pastime: peering through the windows of the Celadon City Gym uninterrupted.

The sleazy geriatric — in the process of pumping his “Diglett” — unabashedly declares “Heheh! This gym is great! It’s full of women!” “Women?” More like a gym full of teen girls trying to hone their trainer skills in peace; preferably without Peeping Toms fogging up the windows. Fortunately for the old coot, your character wasn’t a police officer, because if he were, the old perv’s wrinkly ass would’ve been hauled off to the nearest prison, where he would likely have a firsthand experience with a Horn Drill attack in the communal shower. It’s a one-hit KO!

6) The Final Battle with Wally (Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald Version)

Up until Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, your rivals in the game were by and large intolerable asshats that made it a point to go out of their way to either bombard you with putdowns or spring up out of nowhere for a battle you didn’t expectt. Wally, on the other hand, was the complete opposite: meek, kind and — get ready for this one, folks — sickly. What he suffers from isn’t elaborated upon, but it’s enough to cause his family to have a deep concern for his health. And his greatest wish is to be a Pokemon trainer just like you…which causes a moral dilemma here.

Despite his weak condition, and protests from his family, Wally manages to make it to Victory Road for one final challenge against your — at this point — crazy strong character, who he’s been idolizing since the outset. Basically, your battle against Wally is a small child making a wish to the Make A Wish Foundation to play a one-on-one basketball game with his favorite star player. But imagine that this player doesn’t hold back. Instead, he totally brings his A-game, including smack talk, underhanded maneuvers and post-game showboating. That’s your final battle with Wally…and it leaves you feeling like the worst trainer in the history of the game series. So, how does victory taste?