Since You Started Reading This Update

Since you started reading this update:


– That late class you wanted to take next semester has filled up.
– Ladies: Someone, somewhere, is now thinking about your breasts.
– You are 15 seconds closer to death – but don’t get worked up about it; so is that know-it-all jackass who pops up in at least one of your classes every semester.
– The professor of the class you are skipping to read CollegeHumor has gone over 3 things that will be on the final.
– Your dining hall staff has killed 4 kittens.
– BEER!!!!!
– 1 more kid in a dorm has realized his theory that, “because everyone else wears shower shoes means you don’t have to” may not in fact be true.
– Your “BFF” from middle school has either gotten an amazing internship, gotten engaged, fed the baby, or they are also reading this.
– You are no closer to realizing your dream of learning to ride a unicycle.
– 573 blogs have been updated. Even though it occupies no physical space, yours has begun to collect dust. People are begining to wonder if you ever attended that New Years party you were so looking foward to on 12/28/04 and if your mood is still as “tired”.
– 20 people have opened CollegeHumor.com, skipped this crap, and gone straight to the boobies.
– VH1 has launched production of “I Love The Past 90 Seconds.” Sir Mix-A-Lot is currently commenting on the traffic light he was stuck at which, when you started reading the update, he was pretty sure he could beat.
– The bag of pot you will be buying in 6 weeks has continued its long hazardous journey up the Mississippi River, and exchanged hands no less than twice.
– Someone’s existence has just been unexpectedly changed forever by a once-in-a-lifetime twist of fate. You on the other hand are almost sure that you are 85% certain you will not be clicking on that ad just because there’s a pretty girl’s butt.
– Lindsay Lohan is now 30 seconds closer to becoming Alicia Silverstone.
– Quick! That kid from your intro to Spanish class has changed his away message. Hmmmm… now he’s at work and apparently he isn’t looking foward to closing the Quizno’s tonight. Didn’t he used to have an “I [heart] Lisa” in his profile for like, a year? I guess they broke up or something.
– Your teeth have still not begun brushing themsleves.



Streeter did an interview with Christian Finnegan that you should check out. You may recognize Christian from VH!‘s Best Week Ever, Chapelle’s Show, or, if you live in the future, his Comedy Central special which premieres on March 11th. He also does some guest writing on here every once in a while. So go check out his interview right here. Now, hotlinks…