Penance with Pizazz

In the vein of Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Why Don’t You… section – where they usually gloriously list some heteronormative, “You Go Girl” bullshit – here are some things you can give up to commemorate this holy season.

Why Don’t You Give Up…

• Drinking only on the weekends? You’ll actually be sacrificing the time you enjoy learning, studying, and doing things sober.
  
  
• Having sex with one partner? The pleasure derived from intimate, monogamous relationships is certainly a vice you can do without.
• Being polite? The habit of having on-confrontational, respectful interactions is easily abstained from. Try answering, “How may I help you?” with a brisk slap, or comment on the weight of the person asking.
  
  
• Not blowing cigarette smoke in children’s faces? I know for me, I usually avoid exhaling the vapors from my sweet little cancer sticks in stranger’s faces, especially those of the innocent, virgin-lunged youth. This, however, is a pleasure of mine; as much as the act of smoking is bad for me and others around me, how do they know they don’t like it? If a child, let’s say around the age of 7 sees not only how cool I look smoking but really gets a deep cloud of carcinogens?