Conversations With My Belligerent Dog

My parents are out of town and I have to take care of my dog. These are funny conversations I would have with my dog if he were a belligerent human.



Amir: Chico what do you want for breakfast?

Chico: Nothing, asshole.

Amir: Chico, now come on, you have to eat something, You didn’t eat dinner last night, mom’s gonna get pissed at me.

Chico: I SAID NOTHING OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE chico turns on his gameboy

Amir: Chico come here.

Chico: leave me alone okay? burp

Amir: Chico, is that booze on your breathe?

Chico: No. go away.

Amir: Come here. grabbing him by the collar bringing him towards me

Chico: Let go of me! I was on level two of Castlevania!!

Amir: Lick my face.

Chico licks amir’s face.

Amir: Well, that was fucking adorable, but there’s rum on your breathe.



Chico runs upstairs.



Amir: I know where you’re going! You can’t hide Chico!



2 hours later…


Amir: Chico come here I have a doggy treat for you!

Chico: Alright alright, gimme two minutes.

Amir: Chico? Are you smoking in there?

Chico: Umm” no?

Amir: Open this door right now chico!

Chico: Gimme like, 2 minutes dude, I swear.



Amir opens door, Chico is standing by the window smoking a joint.



Amir: Unbelievable! Chico! Put down that marijuana cigarette!!

Chico: (on phone) Hey hold on a sec, my DAD just walked in the room.

Amir: Okay, that is UNFAIR.

Chico: (hanging up fone) Yah well its true! Lighten up, ass. chico waves the smoke away with his paw



3 hours later…



Amir: Chico, I have to take you on a walk at least twice a day.

Chico: Alright, but can we do it after Celebrity Poker Showdown?

Amir: Okay but don’t ruin this episode for me, I haven’t watched it, I like to watch them all the way through.

Chico: Alright, Jesus, just give me twenty minutes and we’ll go walk.

Amir: Fine, just call me.



20 mins later…



Chico: Yeah! I’m ready.

Amir: Alright lets go.

Chico: Jeneane Garafalo won.

Amir: Youre a fucking dick, you know that?



Bedtime…



Chico: Hey Amir

Amir: Yeah Chico?

Chico: I know I come across as a real belligerent human sometimes, but I don’t mean it.

Amir: That’s okay. Sometimes I come down a little hard on you too.

Chico: Well, I guess we can both agree to disagree!

Amir: You’re shitting on my bed.






THE END. The moral of the story is: threefold.



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