Steve Hofstetter

College - RAs

Some RAs are awesome. Others make door decorations with your name written on the silhouette of a farm animal.



Sophomore year, my RA was a guy I knew since I was 12. One night, I ran in to him in the bathroom, my eyes watery, my clothes smelling like smoke, and my breath reeking of alcohol – and he was totally cool with it. Looking back, I think it was less because we were friends and more because he had already been puking for the last three hours.



I know one guy who used to take condoms from our RA every day just to make people think he was having sex. When he moved out of his room, his closet looked like that kid’s locker in the Pop Tarts commercial.



Busting your residents when they’re passed out drunk is like raising your hand to tell a professor that the kid next to you has fallen asleep in class. Just nudge the guy with your shoulder until he wakes up – in both scenarios.



If you think about it, schools set RAs up for failure. An RA is supposed to keep the floor substance free AND give thoughtful guidance at the same time. “I’m three weeks late for my period and I really need some advice. I know – I’ll go talk to the chick who spilled out my beer and turned me in for smoking pot. I feel like she really understands me.”



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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.