Steve Hofstetter

College - Spring Break

Who decides where the “in” spring break is every year? One year it’s Cancun, one year it’s Miami Beach, one year it’s St. Thomas. I would love to be the one to decide, just so I could be like, “yeah, this year it’s Cleveland.”



What professors assign work over break? Don’t they understand that it’s tough to do the reading during a keg stand?



The thing that I am dreading most about the impending good weather is what I call “ugly warm day”. You know what I mean – the first day that it’s warm enough for shorts and tight shirts, everyone wears them – regardless of how disgustingly ugly they are. Suddenly, you realize that those puffy North Face coats aren’t such a bad thing.



You know that “Too Hot For TV” with all the footage of girls stripping during spring break? Their angle is that these are prototypical college girls out on break, and so they advertise it as “the girls next door”. I know the girls next door – and I can assure you that no one would pay $9.95 to see them naked.



I understand that spring is year-round in some places. But in the Northeast, there’s snow on the ground right now. My friend just made a snow sculpture of a tropical drink with a little umbrella in it. I hope God appreciated the irony.



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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.