Ah, College

"There are classes, too?"



-I was surprised a while back to be so happy to get just a little praise. Now I realize that the last time I heard my name in the same sentence with the word "good" was seven months ago. And that was just my dad telling me I needed a good ass-kicking.



-My Archaeology class is a weird bunch. They all have names like Run, Raleigh, Slocum, and even a Mina. It's like a Final Fantasy game in there! Every time I get a huge assignment from the professor, I feel like doing an Overdrive move on him.



-My professor in that class doesn't pull any punches. I remember a kid asking him about field experience because it was his dream to discover artifacts. The professor sighed and said, "Discover artifacts? I've seen your grades. First, discover your ass and take your head out of it." The kid dropped the class about ten seconds later.



-The best term in Archaeology: Paleofeces. I didn't know what it was, so I asked the professor. "Ancient shit."



-You know what's helpful for finals? A professor saying something and then noting, "That may be important to know. Just a hint." You know what isn't helpful? Saying that after EVERY sentence.



-Do you ever try to diminish your own intelligence to fit in? I was the one kid who did well on a test, because I studied for three days straight. We were all looking at the grades matched up with student numbers and I point to my own grade and say, "I want to know who this guy is. If I find out, I'm going to kick his ass!"



-It's great taking an Ethics class. I can justify anything I do by using different philosophers. Like this one time, I almost crushed a guy in the elevator door because I didn't want to wait for him. Aristotle would say I'm immoral. Kant thinks I'm an asshole. But according to Mill, I am now a nominee for sainthood.



-In that class, someone furthered a point by saying, "Things happen all the time we don't see. Cats are having sex all the time, but I doubt anyone has ever seen it." Thanks for updating the old "tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it" saying. Now that ancient riddle for clearing the mind can be used instead for conjuring up images of freaky cat sex. Yay!



-Do you know people who pretend class is their social life? They always make remarks to get you to laugh and they love holding class after by any means necessary. I say we put a zookeeper in back. When that person acts up, wham, tranquilizer in the neck! The man will drag them off and say, "When she wakes up, she'll be in the 'nerd' section of the library. Sure, it's not her natural habitat, but she'll be much more happy with her own kind."



-You need to study in college. But what about kids that never seem to leave the library? I'll walk by around midnight and I can swear I see people in sleeping bags on the floor! Remember that key they gave you the first day you were here? That DOES open a door somewhere…